time to get depressed~!

i miss some things in life. i wish for some things to be in my life. why is it that usually when you wish for something, the farther it is away from your grasp?

i feel sooooo alone right now. i lost like all my friends. no one kicks it with me anymore. oh well, fuck it~!

i got thinking today, maybe eric wants to be a fucking asshole to me. i dont fucking know why he's acting all bitchy to me~! i'm serious, he's calling me a fucking liar. well eric *i know you read this* FUCK YOU TOO~!

ready to quit work. jasmines being a fucking bitch to me. no matter what i do, even if its good, she still bitches at me~! i dont understand her. i mean i even come on days that they need me to check. FUCK LONGS~!

i tried apologizing to chelsea, i gave her the present, she gave it away, hit me, FUCK BEST FRIENDS~!

i'm failing two of my classes still. i try soooooo fucking hard to get a fucking d- in the fucking class, and they pretend i'm not fucking trying~! FUCK SCHOOL~!

i wish i was loved. everytime i fall in love, i always wind up getting hurt. YES, ERIC YOU FUCKING HURT ME~!!! FUCK LOVE~!

Fuck everything...

smilesmile

i've had a song stuck in my head for god knows how long. at this point and time in my life, i think that i should refuse to think highly of others. in my eyes i think high school is just a waste of time, a fashion show. sure its life, but a lot of american teenagers commit suicide because of their high school years. i mean i can't believe how cruel some people can be. sure you make the best of friends in your high school years, but does this mean that you guys will ALWAYS be friends? after college gets out, will you rush to the phone calling the other? i doubt it. cuz in college you seriously make the best of friends, especially when you go off to another state or city and you have to live and deal with that person and their imperfections. high school, you can pick up your shit and walk home. i dont know. i just hate school, a great portion of the time. sure you need a high school diploma in order to work in most places, but honestly do you seriously want to always face the "beautiful people"?

 hey people...er...james since you're the only one that knows about this journal.

i came home early today since i was sick. sucks doesn't it? not realli.

i was over @ erics place yesterday, we watched a walk to remember...i cried...again. haha i'm so sad. lol.

i miss you james. ::kiss::

work sucks.

sorrie about the short update, but not a lot on my mind right now, sorta light headed from the nyquil. dont ask me why i took nyquil at like 11:30 am.

i love you lots james. maybe some day you'll feel the same!

 hey people who actually read this hunk-a-junk. damn sometimes life can be great at one minute and then when you find something out another minute, it goes crashing down. ::sigh:: had a few nervous breakdowns...w00t. i'm so tired of this shit i have to go through at home. i mean my dad is going to donate my stuff, my mom's stuff, and my brother's stuff at the other house. aka "his house". he wants to fix up the house and have my mom pay for part of it! we have no money, i'm trying to support myself, and i dont wanna fucking live with my grandmother, she bitches at me 24/7 about how i dress and the people i hang out with. my mom also has to rent some storage space so that we can store the stuff from my dads in it, so it wont be donated. i have hella shit over there too.

i love this song that i've been listening to non-stop. "twilight" by vanessa carlton. makes me . it makes me think a lot about life. like, to stand up for yourself, dont care what others think, and when that happens, you grow up and you totally push people away w.o giving a fuck. its soooooo very special to me.

*sigh* i miss james. i care about this guy a lot. but who knows what will come out of it. its like ya so what if we made out when i was wasted, he's 19, and his best friend is my co-worker. i mean when i'm in a relationship, i dont care what people think of who i'm with, whats going on. all that matters to me, is the relationship and the guy.

he's so sweet and i do miss him soooooo much. *cries* he just has to be way up in davis. so what if it is an hour and a half drive away, i still think thats far...

anyways, i better go, people will not leave me the f*ck alone. toodles!!

whats up? welps, this is my first post. damn theres so much to say about me, but i think i can put it into 3 well known words. i. hate. life.

life can be so boring at times. i guess you can say that most of the time i just want to jump out the window and forget about life in general. of course i live in a one story house, so i guess i wont go very far. maybe end up with a few bruises, be lucky to get knocked out...

first maybe i should describe myself.

i'm an ugly happa. a happa is a ½ asian and ½ white person. in my case i'm japanese and german. not the greatest match!

i play soccer, volleyball, track, and football. i'm depressed with life and love . i just broke up with my boyfriend that loved me. i have a lot going on in my life. i do like a certain someone, and i think they're reading this...and smiling hehe

anyways, i'm out.